I get the hint. I give up. You win. I lose. I was never really trying anyway. But now I wish I hadn’t tried at all. He’ll never be better for you than me, but if you don’t see it that way, it doesn’t really matter what I think, does it? I can’t control what I feel—but not for lack of trying. I’m sick of saying "her loss" and toasting to the girl not yet found while patting myself on the back for encouragement. But I've had so much practice at it, I don’t know what else to do. Here’s to whatever I can’t have with you, may it end mercifully. Ashley called, and I don’t care. She doesn’t have your eyes, your touch, your hair. He can’t sing, and he can’t joke, but he plays soccer and likes to smoke. If that's what you want, more power to ya. I shan’t bother trying to get through to ya.

ok, so i got tired of people yelling at me for never updating this thing (which, if you refer to the first entry on the site, i already said from the getgo that i wouldn't update it that often. but whatever), so i thought that the best way to shut them up would be to fill out one of those survey thingys that everyone speaks so highly of. warning: i am long-winded, and therefore, so are my answers to this survey. deal with it.

Name: Dustin Charles Heveron Esq. III

School/State: Otterbein College in Westerville, Ohio

Physical Info (age/height/bodysize/etc.): 22 6'2" skinny. real skinny. think an anorexic Calista Flockhart on crack. like when I turn sideways, you can't see me. but it's a good skinny. or at least that's what I tell myself.

How many hearts have you broken? none that i know of, but i've had mine broken 3 times, twice by the same girl (what can i say? i'm a slow learner), so i don't know if that counts for anything.

What's Your Ringtone? it used to be something called "merengue," but then I realized that i wasn't gay and decided to change it to something called "ringer 6." very exotic. ringer 6: for people who like to live on the edge.

Fave Swear Word? gay. as in "what the gay?" "son of a gay!" or my personal favorite: "i am gonna kick the gay out of you." important note: i'm not actually homophobic nor do i have any problems with the homosexual community. so please don’t burn my house down.

Special Ability or Talent: i do a killer Helen Keller impression. everyone says i sound just like her. also, when i get angry i transform into The Hulk. well not so much The Hulk as a smaller Hulk-like clone. well not actually a Hulk clone as much as a slightly more muscular than normal version of myself. and actually it's not as much a stronger version of myself as much as a weaker version that runs. and actually, it's not so much a weaker version of me as it is a normal version of Gary Coleman. so, yeah. when i get mad i transform into Gary Coleman. but a pissed Gary Coleman, that's for sure. don't mess with him, he'll bite your kneecaps.

What You're Wearing Right Now: a pair of Chuck Taylor's, jeans, a thrift store T-shirt, and a smile. and a man-thong.

Career High: i think being drafted into the NBA at age 18 was definitely one of the highlights of my career, but I'm not sure that it beats simultaneously discovering a cure for diabetes and inventing the internet during my freshman year of college. of course, then there's that time that i saved earth from a giant meteor by flying into it at super speed and punching it into millions of pieces. and this one time, i found a 5 dollar bill in my jacket pocket. so that was good too.

Worst Job? i had this gig as an assistant crack-whore for a few years. the pay was good but the hours were horrible. then for awhile i was a Navy SEAL serving out of Japan, but i got kicked out for "sexual indiscretions," whatever that means. but the worst job i ever had was probably the decade i spent serving as Fidel Castro's Chief Political Adviser. that guy is a dick. tator. a dictator. get it? i just came up with that right now. pretty clever, eh?

Last Thing That Took Your Breath Away? seeing the beautiful sunrise from above the clouds as i flew out to Los Angeles California to see my one true love, surfing. it was a beautiful menagerie of gorgeous reds, purples, and oranges coupled with wonderful memories of my favorite ocean. that was the last thing that took my breath away. either that or this guy i met at a bar one time who got all bent out of shape because i may have called him "Mr. Spanky McAsswipe" and implied that i'd had sex with his mother. it was one of those, i don't remember which.

Your Last Meal, Like Ten Minutes Ago: it was a delicious and healthy serving of processed...something. i'm not 100% sure what it was to be honest. man, do i love college cafeteria food.

Fantasy Make Out? Al Roker. er, no, um...i meant...damn.

Living Human Beings You REALLY loathe: Bob Costas (the self-righteous bastard who was the main anchor for the '04 Olympics), Carson Daly (making white guys look like tools since 1994) and Elmo (that pretentious asshole from Sesame Street). God i hate him. NO I WILL NOT F***ING TICKLE YOU!!!

Kindest Thing You've Ever Done
i took a bullet for Mother Theresa in 'Nam. and she never even said thank you. the bitch.

the second kindest thing i've ever done was move to crappy ohio from beautiful Palm Springs, CA, where i was born and raised. i don't think these people realize what a favor i'm doing them by going to college out here.

Confession of Your Dangerous Mind: i'm vain, i'm an ass, and i'm ok with that.

Sin You'd Like to Try? i've always been a big fan of breaking Commandment #9, you know, the one about not coveting or lusting after your neighbor's manservant or maidservant or his ox or his donkey. because damn, does my neighbor have a sexy ox and donkey. and i would love to covet me some manservant while i was at it.

10 Things You Want in the Opposite Sex: well, i'm pretty picky when it comes to the ladies, but there aren't really any specific physical features or anything that she has to have. it's really all about whether or not we connect on an emotional and mental level. ...but since you're asking, then ten things that would really set her apart from the rest would be: 1) red hair. i love red heads. but don't let that stop all you non-redheads from hitting one me. 2) someone who surfs. i surf a little and i love it, so this is a big way to get bonus points in my book. 3) a true appreciation for the show "Family Guy" would be awesome. and i'm not talking a pretend laugh every now and again, i mean actually enjoying the show. 4) i love eyes and smile, if you've got both, i'm pretty much putty in your hands...if you know what i mean *wink wink, nudge nudge* 5) someone with a wide array of musical tastes. i myself listen to pretty much everything that isn't country music, so it would be nice to have someone with similarly eclectic tastes. 6) confidence. don't be afraid to look like hell and still know that you're beautiful. that's a big one. 7) someone who's active. i don't mean like a crazy workout-aholic or anything, but i like to stay active and play ultimate frisbee and football and surf and stuff, so it would help if you enjoyed burning energy too. 8) cooking. my dad is like the world's greatest chef, and because of that, i've never had to cook a day in my life. so basically, i can't boil water. so if you can cook, that would rock. 9) spontaneity. you gotta keep life interesting, don't get stuck in the same kinda rut that everyone else lives their lives in. 10) last but not least, you can't be an idiot. i'm not saying you have to be the next Einstein or anything, but at least be able to hold a deep conversation with me every once in awhile because i like to have those. usually very late at night over some steak n' shake. because the only time steak n' shake tastes good is after 3am.

Deal-Breaker? smokers! sorry ladies, nothing personal. but i've seen too many of my loved ones go because of smoking and i'd rather not have to go through that any more than i need to. also, if you don't have a decent sense of humor, don't even bother. because i'm gonna joke around with you and stuff, so you need to know when i'm joking to not take me seriously. it sounds like a simple concept, but you'd be surprised how many girls have trouble with this.

Crap That REALLY Screws With Your Head? i have a great sense of humor, except for practical jokes. the first time i come home and have a bucket of water dumped on me when i open the door, or my bed covered in silly string and baby powder, we will no longer be on speaking terms.

Most Hideously Humiliating Social Moment? well i went streaking one time and that was pretty embarrassing, although i don't know that it was as embarrassing for me as it was for Pastor O'Brien. that was one hell of an Easter service.

I'd Like My Catch to Earn: Oprah Money

How I Lost *It*: January. 1999. a jar of peanut butter, Rosie O'Donnell, a cheap Spiderman costume and a bet on the outcome of the Super Bowl gone horribly wrong. i don't wanna talk about it.

Gigantor Social Fear? that i will wake up one day and realize that i am a skinny, funny-lookin, no-muscle mega dork. ...oh wait.

Your Fantasy Band? well let's see, i would be the frontman and vocalist and rhythm guitarist. Slash (from Guns N' Roses) would play lead guitar, Sting (from The Police) would play the bass, The Edge (from U2) would play the other guitar parts, Conan O'Brien (from Late Night) would play the drums, Stevie Wonder (from Stevie Wonder) would play the piano/keyboards, and Dan Rather (from 60 Minutes) would play the tambourine. because that guy knows how to rock it hard.

ok, there, i've posted something. now stop yelling at me!

i want someone to share the sun with. i want someone to look at me and see my dorkiness, and then say "i love you" to me in spite of it. i want someone to call me at 2am because they were thinking of me. i want someone to complain to me about their life, and then smile as i melt their hurt away. i want someone to care. i want someone to care for. i want someone to read this and not roll their eyes. i want someone to call tiger. i want someone to share my life, laughter, and love with. and i want you to want me...